Pop Shield

Are you ready?  I mean are you really ready? Those of you with less robust constitutions may need to turn away now.  I mean, I have a feeling that Roger Andrews was even a bit scared of this situation down at Maid Of Orleans one day.  And as we know, he’s got nerves of steel.

Yes, this is the stuff that engineers’ nightmares are made of.

All I can say in our defence is the following.

There was no input list prior to the band arriving for the session. There was no confirmed band line-up prior to the session. The input list turned out to be 96 channels. The line-up turned out to be two drum kits, electric drums, bass, three guitars, acoustic guitar, two violins – each of which absolutely must be taken in stereo, two percussionists, brass, eleven vocals, vocal effects, electric piano, seven synthesisers. Oh, and please could we set up the Steinway…

Now, there are only 56 channels on the house desk which is called a house desk because it is in fact THE SIZE OF A HOUSE.  Ten to twelve of these channels are usually designated for effects, parallel compression and so on.  Two sub mixers had to be brought in and rigged. The internal patch was a bit head-scratchy. The main patch from splits, once the input list had been amended and transcribed, had to be achieved via flails on the floor in the corner by the monitor desk that kept getting pushed out of the way. The numbering on the barrels and the strings of the flails did not correspond. ’Split 2’ was listed as being numbers 1-48 on the band’s input list but their two stage looms were numbered 1-50 and 51-100.   A miscommunication resulted in inputs 49-96 ending up being two numbers out, followed by an agonising three person unpick repatch whilst everyone complained. The desk talkback was faulty. There were two connectors numbered 76 neither of which turned out to be number 76. The band were in a hurry as they had to catch a plane.  During the session musicians were required to have interviews for other shows in other studios that required one of us to go and set up.  One of the two lead vocalists sang each song from a completely different mic and since neither the monitor engineer nor the mix engineer were prepared to re-patch in their worlds, this had to be done in a hurry via the tangle of flails.  Oh, and one final thing.  THE BAND WERE ONLY ABLE TO WORK IN THE DARK.

It has taken me six weeks to pluck up the courage, but now that I’ve got my disclaimer in.

Oh the shame.