Pop Shield

It comes as a surprise when I realise I’ve been booked to go to art-rocker lounge lizard Ryan Berry’s studios to record an interview. A couple of days beforehand before I go to the Patronising Equipment Centre to book a whole load of equipment and receive the usual abuse. I do, however, manage to walk away with a quality portable recorder, mic stands, cables, back up mics and recorder.

On the morning of the visit, I collect a couple of quality condenser mics from the cupboard and set myself up in a little room to get everything road-tested. I don’t want to be fumbling around stabbing at little grey buttons when I get there.

I head downstairs with the kit and meet producer Mark and DJ Jack Daniel, we jump in a cab and head west. We drive through Marylebone, Notting Hill, past the mansions of Holland Park until we turn down a little mews near to Olympia and step out of the car.

We are presented with a slightly bewildering choice of entrances and doorbells, but then it becomes apparent that the rock star owns the whole side of the street, so we plump for the most likely door and are greeted by an assistant, Milly. She leads us past a massive Warhole picture and big blown-up photos of supermodel Kat Mass downstairs to a huge reception/office/meeting room area. Everything is painted in pale cream with sisal carpets and the space is filled with massive expensive-looking rugs, exquisite antique sofas, colourful artwork.

We are offered tea and a tour. First into a room filled with every vintage keyboard and amplifier you could wish for, then into Ryan’s studio where his engineer is working on a vintage Trident desk with channels numbered from right to left. We are then led into an archive room stuffed chocabloc with shelves of poster tubes and box files of photos and press cuttings. I notice one is sub-titled ‘with and without moustache’. We then head back to reception and wait to be summoned up to Ryan’s quarters. We are informed that Ryan wishes to have a private one-on-one interview with Jack, but Mark the producer insists that I am present in order to quality check the recording. I am very pleased I brought the long cables, so that I don’t have to be too close by.

Upstairs, I am the first to enter a vast brick sequence of adjoining warehouse-type spaces converted into a lounge-study-art library area. We are met by a softly spoken, well-dressed smiling man with his hand extended. I introduce myself and quickly look for a spot to get set up as quickly as possible. Jack and Ryan settle opposite each other on two extremely expensive tasteful sofas. They make small talk as I rush to get the mics set up. Oops, I probably shouldn’t have plonked my little flight case on Ryan’s beautiful couch there! Thankfully I can just plug in and go. I take a bit of level, press record and retreat.

I move an antique office chair around the corner by a partitioning wall so that I can see Johnny, but Ryan cannot see me. I can just see his yellow trews and brown brogues sticking out from behind the wall. It’s like an Alison Jackman photo. It’s one of the most surreal hours of my life, just staring around that vast exquisite library at all the beautiful books and designer shoes and pottery urns, taking rapid-fire photos with my eyes. Next to me sits an antique desk containing an ink blotter with a smart phone and a fountain pen on it, and some scrunched up notelets in the bin. I sit quivering beneath a picture of a pearl earring and praying the dog outside would stop barking.

After an hour Mark and Milly appear and wait silently. The interview eventually draws to a close. Ryan is immediately silently and swiftly out of the room like hot air escaping through an open door on a winter’s day. On the desk his phone has gone, perhaps the only sign that he was really ever there at all. Apart from a pretty nicely recorded 850MB WAV. Phew.