Pop Shield

It’s an important day at the Corporation: the day of the long-awaited announcement about who will take over as the next General Director. I receive an urgent phone call from the office asking if I can do a favour and nip down to Studio 4Z at 1300 to cover for Mad Dog who is stuck at The Maid Of Orleans. It’s a high-profile ISDN booking involving Lord Bigwig which we absolutely have to cover and for all further details I should contact Leona on the given contact number.

So, naturally I agree to help and get straight on to Leona. She doesn’t pick up, so I leave a message asking for her to call me back about the interview. At fifteen minutes before the booking starts, I head down to the studio. I have not heard from Leona, so I try her number again, but she does not pick up. So, I patiently wait for a producer to appear and meanwhile set about getting the studio ready for what I am expecting to be some kind of two-way interview between a local interviewer and Lord Bigwig down the line. I set up a presenter mic and headphones in the studio, test they are working, set up the computer ready to record. As there’s still no contact from anywhere, I check with Control to see if they have a record of any incoming lines booked through to Studio 4Z, but they have no information either. By this time, it’s now about 1315. Hmm, this feels odd. Perhaps there’s been a change of plan. I know there is no point phoning the office to check since they divert the line to voicemail between 1300 and 1400. So, with nothing else to do I log in to my desktop in case anyone tries to contact me by email, then I sit and wait.

Suddenly the control room door flies open and an abrupt stressed-looking man with glasses runs in. Without any word of any introduction, he barks at me “WHAT’S GOING ON?” I look up and through the glass I see a grey-haired man has walked straight into the studio from the corridor and sat down in front of one of the mics. Right so that man must be Lord Bigwig come to talk about the new General Director appointment. “Hello” I say cheerfully to the rude man. “I’m Pop Shield, your engineer. I’ve been asked to cover this booking late notice, but I’m afraid I haven’t been given any specific details. I’ve not been able to make contact with Leona. Are you the producer?”. “NO, I AM NOT THE PRODUCER! I CAN’T GET HOLD OF THEM! CAN’T YOU GET ON TO THEM?” he says and without offering up who he is exactly, he runs out of the control room and into the studio and sits in front of the guest mic.” OK, so maybe this guy’s a contributor. I try Leona’s line again without success, then run through to the studio and arrange the mics in front of the two men and show them their headphone level controls. ”I CAN’T HEAR THE PROGRAMME, WE’RE ON ANY MINUTE!” panics the abrupt man. “Oh, okay.” I say, “On air to which station? ABC1?” “YES”. “Okay, let me patch you through.” Right, so it’s clearly a live outgoing ISDN so I better get some destination clean feed into the headphones and on to a check speaker double quick. Easier said than done in this studio but luckily I know it well enough that it presents no problems. At least somebody somewhere has us picked up. Sounds like ABC1 to me.

“Are you hearing the programme now?” I ask Lord Bigwig. “YES”. “And could I have a few words for level please Lord Bigwig?” It is indeed a ‘few’ words that return. “That’s lovely, thank you. And if I could just have a few words from the other gentleman, we’ll be good to go”. This request sends the still unnamed man – let’s call him Rudy – into another spin. He starts hurrumphing and saying NO I CAN NOT HAVE A FEW WORDS FOR LEVEL and OF COURSE HE’S NOT GOING TO BE SAYING ANYTHING ON AIR and then Lord Bigwig starts guffawing and muttering about CAN THE HEAD OF COMMUNCATIONS SAY A FEW WORDS HAW HAW HAW.

Right, ok, so it’s just the grey-haired dude. Rudy’s some kind of silent aide. Without any further time to deliberate, the destination cue springs into life, and shortly thereafter a little voice says, “Hello Lord Bigwig, thanks for joining us, we’ll be coming to you in just under a minute”.  Followed by a bigger voice: “And now we can go over Lord Bigwig to talk to him concerning the special announcement about the new General Director.” And off we go. Have to pull back on the fader a bit now I’ve got some representative level, but otherwise it all goes fine to air. The moment the item wraps, the two men stand up and gallop straight out of the studio door without thanking me or saying goodbye.

Disbelieving, I make a point of running out of the control room and calling goodbye after them down the corridor, thanking them for coming and apologising that I had not had more information about the booking in advance. They disappear. Nice to meet you too!

As I log off the recording machine, I start reflecting on how lucky I am to work in music radio. No matter how important people are, everyone is friendly and courteous. It is at this moment that I stop feeling outraged and start to see the funny side of it all. These people are only the top communication experts at the top of one of the world’s top communication companies. Of course they are!