Pop Shield

You may recall the time I helped song writing legend Dick Cadillac out of a fix by giving him a green teabag. Or perhaps the time I broke open my new box of Yogi Cold Season herbal tea to give a bag to song writing legend Roy Jones. No? Well never mind. Now I bring news of a brand-new celebrity drinks-related anecdote. Which, as many of these stories go, is just a shameless excuse for me to drop made-up names.

In an exciting turn of events, I am asked to accompany producer Adam and Britpop jacket-flapper turned king of culture Calvin Jocker to an exclusive Mayfair hotel. A place often frequented by the late great crotch-grabbing, white-gloved monkey lover Jackie Markson. Our mission is to record a question-and-answer session with veteran Canadian poet and musician Chester Lohen following playback of his new album to a theatre full of journalists and art critics. I am nervous about the audio as it is to be used on air by several big arts and news programmes such as Tomorrow and Back Row, as well as Calvin’s own Sunday Sequence.

The album is lovely, all deep and sparse and the conversation is honest and thoughtful. Calvin points out to Chester that his sad poetic imagery of a broken banjo floating in the sea is offset by the fact that it is perceived in the UK as a somewhat comic instrument. Chester takes all with grace, humour and humility. My BB+ recorder holds out too.

After the event I join Adam and Calvin for a quick drink in the private bar. It’s detox January and Calvin and I are both off alcohol. I order sparkling water, Adam beer and Calvin asks for an adventurous tonic with a few drops of angostura bitters. This is a talking point. Calvin kindly offers me a sip. I give it some careful consideration and say yes please. The only problem now is that there is a straw in the, as yet untouched, drink. This presents a social dilemma: Do I sip from the straw or ignore the straw and sip from the side of the glass but risk the eye-poke? Not without awkwardness, I bowl a googly and opt for a marginally more hygienic third way. I remove my own straw from my sparkling water and plunge it into Calvin’s drink. Which, as you ask, tastes interesting.  In fact, if “Interesting” were the name of a brand-new type of drink this is what it would taste like. Note to self – avoid career move into branding.

For anyone who was hoping for a “rum and coca cola” story I can only apologise.